Two days at a time

She came by just to see me
and ask me how i've been.
I took a look in the mirror
flashed a defeated grin

Another monday morning
another lifetime gone
Weekdays go by so slowly
living two days at a time

I sat alone on a park bench
hoping that she would arrive
I dreamed I could smell her perfume
she was nowhere to be found

Another monday morning
another weekend gone
my life evolves so slowly
living two days at a time

I couldn't stand to be bothered
by all my duties and chores
the week has finally ended
comes time to look at the stars

maybe this time I'll find her
think of the right things to say
we have to two days to be happy
two days to get her to stay

Another monday morning
another vacation done
I hope that she doesn't mind
living two days at a time.

My Year Alone

While everyone else slept, I lived.

Letting my mind wonder, trying to
create, trying to invent, trying to
understand what life is all about.

I reminisced of old friends and
past loves. The mistakes I have
made, the people I've hurt and
on occasions I would toast the
small successes of life.

On occasion, I would venture
out around town, snapping pictures
where I could watch the world
sleep. Breathing the cold air,
exhaling the warm vapors,
making up stories of fictional
characters, that like me, stayed
up all night.

It was a different life, one in which
I was able to be whoever I chose.
Had no bothers of judgments
or feeling uninvited. Always looking
forward to what could be, sometimes
forgetting about the things that were.

And now here I am, at least an extra
year of thoughts, experiences and
day dreams. It's the only time I
have to myself. The time I have
without worries about responsibilities.

But eventually everyone else catches
up with you. And time comes to return
to reality. One with "have to"s and
"should"s, one without the perfect
person to say just the right thing.
Without people who know just how to
cheer you up.

Hopefully as I grow old, I'll have a few
more of these years.

A year and eight days ago I sat with my graduating class. All dressed up in caps and gowns, ready to enter the world. I was tickled by the coincidental timing. The day I was born was to be the day I was set free to live my own life. It was ever so slightly intimidating, scary and ... unknown.

And there we sat, listening to a friend solo on his sax to the national anthem. We all heard the bad note he was making up for, but it didn't matter. The one sour note only reminded me of our rehearsal. It was nothing like what I expected a rehearsal to be. Instead of parading us around the gymnasium, we sat and listened to one of the wisest statements I've ever heard.

"This is your day. Who cares if you trip, or stumble on stage. Have fun and be proud of yourselves."

Now here I am. A year older and hopefully a year wiser. Sadly, it wasn't until eight days ago that I realized the value of those words spoken. Amidst trying to build my career, get a house and hopefully one day meeting someone truly special, each day from that day has been mine. I will trip and I will stumble on stage. I will hear many sour notes, but with them will come great improvisations that will sing "I made a mistake but I'm living life to the fullest!"

I will try not to forget that, and I hope no one else does either.

Happy one year anniversary MTU class of 2008!

Searching

The one who walked passed
at the store
looking for the cosmetics.

Perhaps it's the girl
at the gas station counter.
The one who walked to work
in the freezing weather.

Or even the bartender,
while already busy with her chores.
Maybe she will ask.

Are you okay?

And maybe with her
I will feel
confident enough
to say

No.

---------------------------------------------
Another oldy. That one's back from January.
A little gloomy but it's better than not posting right?

Bad Dream

I had a bad dream
The other night
my baby was crying
I didn't know how to make things right.
When I tried to hold her
she pushed me away
and anything I mentioned
was the wrong thing to say

Don't leave me honey
it was only a bad dream
don't leave me baby
it's not as bad as you make it seem

I woke up in the morning
and her bedside was cold
she had left in July
that was all I was told
had no reason without her
to go on with my day
so I reached for the whiskey
and drank the bad dream away

Don't leave me honey
it was only a bad dream
Don't leave me baby
it's not as bad as you make it seem.

----------------------------------------------
An old bit I wrote in December. It was an attempt to
get some words to try to practice some blues scales to.
Never really got anything down musically, and I
can't sing when I play :)

Now let's see if I can dig anything else up

The Things I Fear

Looking too rich or looking too poor
Not finding someone who I can adore
Stereotypes and associations
Losing myself through generalizations
Having to choose who's really a friend
Or if for me, will they take a stand
Talking too much or being too shy
Percieved agreement that's really a lie
Being forgotten or being dismissed
Leaving for months and not being missed
Taken for granted or being smothered
You're laughing now but really are bothered
Being too pushy or pushing away
Not knowing what is the right thing to say
Having no secrets or closing my book
Letting myself take too close a look
If I dare search, the things I will see
I'm terrified that you might be like me

Posted with LifeCast

Square Shots

Gail, bottle in hand and two square shots. Vodka, her choice even though she hates it. Truthfully, I cringe at the thought myself. Before long, the lights were out and the movie started. We watched from the comfort of a warm blanket, eying the fire water taunting use and no chaser to boot. She poured the round and psyched herself before the first drink, much like she did for the fifth. I breathed out the fumes and as the juice began to talk hold, I thought about the day ahead, welcoming the expected disorientation who's only cure being plentiful sleep and laziness. She fell asleep first, in my lap on the couch. The movie ended by then leaving only soft music looping as I stared at the empty squares reflecting the bright television. My body was in waves, urging me to join Gail in sleep. The night ended there and in the morning we would move to a big bed where we could better laugh at our aches and nausea.