The Things I Fear

Looking too rich or looking too poor
Not finding someone who I can adore
Stereotypes and associations
Losing myself through generalizations
Having to choose who's really a friend
Or if for me, will they take a stand
Talking too much or being too shy
Percieved agreement that's really a lie
Being forgotten or being dismissed
Leaving for months and not being missed
Taken for granted or being smothered
You're laughing now but really are bothered
Being too pushy or pushing away
Not knowing what is the right thing to say
Having no secrets or closing my book
Letting myself take too close a look
If I dare search, the things I will see
I'm terrified that you might be like me

Posted with LifeCast

Square Shots

Gail, bottle in hand and two square shots. Vodka, her choice even though she hates it. Truthfully, I cringe at the thought myself. Before long, the lights were out and the movie started. We watched from the comfort of a warm blanket, eying the fire water taunting use and no chaser to boot. She poured the round and psyched herself before the first drink, much like she did for the fifth. I breathed out the fumes and as the juice began to talk hold, I thought about the day ahead, welcoming the expected disorientation who's only cure being plentiful sleep and laziness. She fell asleep first, in my lap on the couch. The movie ended by then leaving only soft music looping as I stared at the empty squares reflecting the bright television. My body was in waves, urging me to join Gail in sleep. The night ended there and in the morning we would move to a big bed where we could better laugh at our aches and nausea.

Picture Perfect

another poem by
another poet
with another metaphor

it does nothing for me

so i flip to the next page
while on the toilet
my cat attempting
to crawl into my pants
hanging at my ankles

yet another poem
by another poet

suddenly i feel
as though i'm looking
at pictures
asking
myself
why is this worth writing

i don't know you enough
to see your beautiful
landscape and foxes

i don't know you enough
to care about noisy
train stations
or
four thousand year old

turtles

he's been boiled anyway

instead, invite me in and tell
what makes you tick
and spare me
the simile

show me
you

not your reconstructed
dream world
used to hide
insecurities

give me something to work from
to learn from
to think about without comparing
it to my

less beautiful

surroundings

show me
life

show me truth

not another poem

Originality

sitting at home
still
wondering how to
inspire my own self
still
tried of trying

nothing comes of continuing
to script
in a blank

a space where few
pass and where
my ideas
come to pass

done and done
once written and read over
once
nothing new anymore,
it's been done.

the thoughts have been had
by me
had by them
and by you
us

yet us don't speak
thoughts, we act
unknowingly
not knowing real
want
not knowing
happy, it's what
us wants.

I sit still
with nothing done
and not spoken
expecting the easy

so you take your stuff
and sell
your thoughts and eyes
the same thoughts
been done and sold
the same eyes across many

and me? i still sit
still half
done and half
seen since
once had by me
completely
then had by us

instead i half do
and hope to share
my only half
with a one not
many
so that one may have
my eyes
my thoughts

and the one eyes
see
and the one thoughts
not yet tired
can consider that their
scenes and
mind is gifted to them
not to all
half appreciated
half remembered
my half

Jeep Thing...

when she pulled up
in her jeep
i wanted to wave
and make
her company.
but alas i was
far removed from my
own, so i waited
until she got her drink
and started
walking back
at which point i jumped
into my
chariot and took
the alternate
exit
out of the lot
only
so that i may drive by
and show off my
doorless, topless,
manhood on wheels
and wave
a peace sign
of comradery.

she waved back,
at which
point i felt accomplished.

maybe next time
she'll park next to me
and maybe
she'll stick around
and drink her drink
at the table
next to mine, waiting for me to say
"hey, that's a nice jeep you've got there"

probably not
but it's fun to pretend.

Laughter

i ordered a coffee today
and following
my order came laughter.
i couldn't make out what was said
so i assumed
and made excuses
in my head
just
in case.

it's hot out,
i want to cool off
still laughing
maybe
at something else
but
maybe
at me

so in retort i move outside
and can't help
but to notice
myself
noticing women
cars
motorcycles
manly things

then i take another sip
and laugh
at the billions of things
that are
there to laugh at.
at me
caring
wasting time.

i finish my drink
and get bored
of wanting
something to happen
so i decide to
act
and get in my car
feeling
manly
picking music
and shoot like a bet out of hell
adrenalin driven
until i realize i have nowhere to go.

i feel silly again

Hunger Pains

today everyone is hungry
for truth
and all it takes is
some
overconfident fool to feed them.

politics is the dish
that keeps on feeding
where
the people
choose
off the menu and decide
which truth
tastes the best today.

Inspiration

i didn't want to read her
books, as i figured
if i did then
she won.
eh, i'll let her have this one
and flip
through a few pages
maybe
it'll let me get some
of my own.

ranting, that's all
under pseudo names
but was
his life that dramatic or did he take
artistic liberties?

hell, i could take liberties of my own
and steal the style
i can write
about my work
or the ticking clock

4:34
if i started now
no lunch
the day would end near noon.

i suspect stories
if not
made up
at least artificially provoked.
that's easy
thoughtless
inspiring.

Cookie

she is spot on with her reasoning.
the laptop died
because of a bad battery.
you have to move
your money around!
scooters are better
on gas.
her matter of fact banter tickled me
in the gut.
I partially wish for a cookie
so that I may walk
up proudly and put it on her plate.
good girl,
tell me more.

fortunately i wasn't her company
otherwise i might not
enjoy it
as much.
instead i may
forget it all
much like she probably does
a minute after
the words leave her mouth.
after all, there is no point
in remembering
what you say
when it's such simple banter.

uh, what's this?
a new voice just said something
an addition to her
story.
but alas
the facts were false
and off she goes correcting
yet again
in the same matter of fact
spot
on
way.

Times Change

There once was a time that made sense,
where things were lighthearted, not tense
But times have since changed
Simple now estranged
Making me to feel strangely dense.

Difference

I've never seen myself
do the things you do,
That was a reflection,
not the real me.
I'm not like you,
lying, stealing, cheating,
obsessing over yourself.
No, that wasn't me cracking
under the pressure of my own
promises I couldn't keep.
That was a reflection.
See? I'm not like you at all
That wasn't me,
throwing stones into the lake
not liking what i see
not wanting to admit
that my reflection is no different
than anybody else's.
That was my reflection.

Strangers

Oh the faces that you see
if you don't rush the other way
and turn the music off
to hear what they will say.
Oh the smiles that shine through
if you don't run away.
They'll make you wish you could
sit down and have a stay.

Happy Birthday!

Desperation

Before you smoked menthol,
you weren't addicted,
but rather in love.
Now, after having ashed
the last of your affection
and disregarding the
now empty pack
in which it came,
you search for
a stranger to hold you
over. Hoping they will
share your tastes,
but you'd settle
for menthol.

------------------------------------
still working on getting this right.
Post your interpretations in the comments
so I can see if it reads the way I hope.

Commentary

I'm not much for suspense so I threw it all at once rather than posting day by day. Some of it I like more than others, but I figured that perhaps putting it out would get the creative juices flowing. We'll see how it turns out. ;)

Selfish

Refusing to say I am right
for you, my selfishness continues
to leave me
wondering. Realism speaks to me
as a shoulder's whisper, yet
curiosity leads my actions.
Excused as good
intentions, I aim to raise
questions simply to see
the response, or perhaps
in hopes of self reassurance.

Garlic

When by day's end
garlic floods my nose,
memories swarm my dreams.
Busy in the kitchen,
be it cakes or fish,
we work under
the adult eye, waiting
for time alone.
Meanwhile we gaze at
each other and exchange
innocent embraces.
Once the house slept,
we stayed in the kitchen,
held close,
making up
for lost time.

"Hello"

Today's weather rests
in the smile of a stranger.
Cloudy skies fade
as the old lady with
and ipod connects with me
through a friendly smirk.
Drenched grass waves
happily when my greeting
returns home.

Chewing the Fat

I tire of the sound of my thoughts.
Redundancy in my tone raise personal
concern of overly dramatic reenactments,
yet the crowds cheers. Embellishing delivers
applause, yet writing the words calls for shots
of whiskey. I watch those with no self criticism
and only strengthen my own. These told stories
rank the pecking order, but solve nothing.

Rebecca

Why some names stick is beyond me.
She was an exception to the room.
While the crowd ran rich with long
flowing hair and exposed flesh, she
observed in silence, between smoke
filled breaths, waiting for me to make
my approach. Meanwhile, I circled,
eying her punk styled short black hair,
short skirt pulled over top of skin tight
slacks. Took some time but eventually
years of humiliation were pushed aside,
for her I was willing to dance. Hands
intertwined as her body moved with mine.
The night grew tired and finally to an end.
Wishful hopes of future encounters
appeared promising, yet now she is but a
memory.

Old Beginnings

Here are some things I started with and abandoned
after a few lines. Some of it I like by itself, others may
one day pick up to be a bigger piece. Someone told
me to look back on old stuff and to post more so
here it is. Feel free to comment and make suggestions.

"As a child,
my dreams were wild
and still today
I dream that way"

"I started a company
to realize my dream
others follow my dream
so that they can eat"

"I don't know what I want
music, my music
only mine because
they don't want it."

"I want to fall asleep
and wake up yesterday
so that I can know
what happens tomorrow.
maybe it'll be different
from today."

"Today I woke up to guitars out
my window. Three floors below
sat a middle aged man entertaining
the crowded streets. Whistling,
rather than attempting to sing
the nonexistent words."

Lanes, Lights and Radio Stations

lanes mock me,
laughing each time
i change, while
the old lane advances
i stand still, leaving
me no room to
go crawling back
hinting at where
i could have been
had i stayed.

traffic lights mock me
as i turn right,
rather than waiting
for the green, only to
trap me at the
next turn
to find myself
a mile down the
wrong road
reminding me of how
much time i've wasted.

radio stations mock me
as i turn the dial
impatient at the interruptions
of commercials
ending a string of hits.
I channel surf only to return
to catch the last note
of a song i love
and then again
commercials.

women mock me.

Druga Wojna Myślowa

Around this time of day,
when everyone is enjoying
their last hour of sleep,
zaczynam myśleć w
swoim języku
and it plagues my mind
with imaginary conversation
as though it's hoping to take over.
Kontroluje moje myślę i im
więcej pozwalam, tym łatwiej
słowa się zbierają do grupy
ale za to, the harder it is to
switch back. Words wymieniają się
w mid sentence ale po tej walce,
mój język wygrywa.

What is a guy to do?

Zamyślony

Focus,
focus,
what's focus in Polish?
Oh it doesn't matter
Focus on English!
We're writing in English.
Ale... no no, BUT
nic... jakoś to nie wychodzi.
Ale... dammit, I mean BUT
now I lost my train of thought.

Chcę Narzekać

Jak marudzący dzieciak
Rzucam się na świat i czekam
na następną fazę życia.

Pozwalam żeby pas obowiązków
mnie trzepną w goło nogę,
i mam nadzieje że po tym
będę mógł bawić się dalej
jak mały dzieciak.

Jestem zmęczony tym szarpaniem
w dwanaście innych stron i
czekam aż wypuszczą mnie na plac
gdzie będę królem swojego zamku
jak odważny dzieciak.

Zamykam oczy i śnie sobie
że obowiązki mnie przegapią
i pozwolą mi przespać resztę
dnia - jak marudzący dzieciak.

(translation in comments)

Zepsuta Maszyna

Jak bylem w twoim wieku
pracowałem w fabryce
która produkowała butelki
szklane.
Moim obowiązkiem bylo
sprawdzanie czy te butelki
były w dobrym stanie,
ale
po jakimś czasie
zacząłem zauważać że
każda buteleczka
była jakoś obita
i to w podobny sposób.
Nie wiem czy ktokolwiek
wreszcie naprawił tą maszynę.

(Translation in comments)

I never liked scripts

I lost my script
and tried to wing it.
Then lost my feathers
and broke a leg
I guess it's fine.

Responsibility

I have to.
I want to.
I have to want
because want comes last
I don't want to have to.

Don't forget your jacket

Can you hear that familiar music?
Something special isn't it? - I call it my getaway.
Each beat spins my mind in a million recognizable ways.

You can hear it in the silence of the night,
where it's lit up by the street lamps, allowing my passing
shadow to dance between the bottomless puddles on the road.

The fog hides my complacent incomplete grin
complete with a pair of fingers tapping, two o'clock on the wheel,
and my toes cramped in my shoe, trying to stay in beat.

Mind Block

I'm having a hard time putting words down. I have vague ideas that I may like to express but no clue as to how I'm to do this. I've done some photography today too, and wasn't too impressed with much of the shots. There is a serious lack of connection with any subject I shoot lately. I don't know what subject/idea/style to focus on. I could go for something short-esque, as long bodies of writing seem like too much commitment at this point. Anyway, anything that would kick start the creative process is welcome. Comment away and help me get something down.